Not Everyone Likes Curry You Know
by lord of the land of fire
Summary: A one shot based on the infamous 'curry zombie' episode of the second season of the anime. Embrace the insanity. Curry.
1. Mizore

**Author Notes: **Before anyone asks yes I am a fan of Futurama. Those of you who don't get the reference don't worry about it.

XXX

Mizore poked at the contents of the pot with a fork.

"Hmmm, is curry supposed to harden like this? Well at least it didn't explode this time." With a resigned sigh she tried to dump the failed meal into the trash. When the now rock hard curry refused to slide out she gave up and threw the pot out as well.

"Why am I wasting my time? I'm just no good at this." Glancing at the calendar she saw that tomorrow was the cooking practical. The day all the girls in her home ec class would be required to cook a meal to be graded on. Despite her best efforts the fact was she had no talent for cooking. Moka and Kurumu were both good cooks and would no doubt make a feast.

It was understood that after their efforts were graded all the girls would give their meals to which ever boys they liked. She had no doubt Tsukune would be the one enjoying their efforts. (He would also be given Yukari's food but the little witch was almost as helpless cooking as she was.)

Mizore suddenly imagined her darling Tsukune standing before her with mouth watering. "Please feed me Mizore-chan, I am soooooo hungry."

Her face blushed and her tender maiden's heart skipped a beat.

"No! I definitely can't give up, not if it's for him." She pulled out fresh ingredients and began once more.

XXX

"Now I want all of you girls to keep one thing in mind." The blonde haired teacher told them with her usual enthusiasm. "Cooking is art! Art is explosive! Explosive means spiciness! All of you do your very best and don't be afraid to push the limits!"

"Is it just me," Yukari said in a low voice. "Or is Aspara-sensei a little too enthusiastic?"

"A lot of our teachers are like that," Moka replied thinking about Nekonome-sensei. "I suppose it's good that they care."

"Yahoo!" Kurumu gave a happy shout. "I am so going to win Tsukune's heart with me special 'Lover's Curry' it's a family recipe." From out of nowhere she produced two huge bottles. One was marked 'Testosterone' and the other one 'Aphrodisiac.'

Both Moka and Yukari sweat dropped.

"Oh would you just give up on that already? Desu." Yukari said. "None of your ridiculous schemes ever work."

"This time for sure!" Kurumu began pouring her special ingredients into the pot along with the usual meat and spices.

"You have no idea what a growing boy needs! My curry will be nutritious and filled with vitamins! Desu!" Yukari produced a box filled with live frogs and lizards as well as locust innards. One of the frogs tried to leap away. "Get back in there! Desu!"

Moka and Kurumu both sweat dropped.

XXX

Meanwhile outside one of the window to the classroom a certain red headed vampire was glaring furiously. It was unbelievable! Her beloved older sister was standing there with an apron on cooking over a hot stove like some common servant!

"Geez onee-chan where has your pride as a vampire gone?" She growled.

"I think it's all right," a voice beside her said.

"Huh?" Kokoa looked to her right in startlement to see Mizore standing there calmly peering into the classroom. "Hey! What are you doing here?"

"That's my line." Mizore said laconically. "This is surveillance point three forty; it's one of my favorites."

"As expected of a stalker."

Mizore turned from the window to look at her. "Like you're one to talk, I've heard about you and your obsessive personality. Honestly, being infatuated over your sister, it's sort of pathetic don't you think?"

"What? Why you!" Kokoa took hold of her pet bat and transformed him into a massive sledgehammer. "I'll teach you some manners stalker!" She charged straight at Mizore.

"I hate being in pain." Mizore said and waved her arm.

Kokoa fell at her feet inside a block of ice.

XXX

"So what did she do this time?" Moka asked wearily.

Somehow no one was too shocked when Mizore brought Kokoa into the classroom frozen solid.

"Nothing much," Mizore said. "She just tried to attack me when I told her she was being kind of pitiful trying to stalk you."

Moka blinked. "_You_ told her she was pitiful because you caught her stalking?"

"Should I not have?"

Moka, Kurumu, and Yukari all sweat dropped.

"Mizore you are late," Aspara-sensei chided. "You had best hurry and start cooking your curry."

Mizore looked down embarrassed. "I… I'm not sure that I can."

"Oh don't worry about it," Kurumu said. "We all know you're no good at cooking. Just try not to blow the classroom up."

Mizore turned to her as an arctic blast caused everything to frost over and had all the girls shivering.

"G… geez wh… why are you so thi… thin skinned." Kurumu asked through chattering teeth.

Mizore turned and ran out.

Moka sent her aqua haired friend an unhappy look. "That was mean Kurumu-chan."

"What? I'm just being honest. It's just like when I tell everyone Yukari here is flat as a board."

"Hey! Desu!"

"What?"

XXX

When lunch time rolled around Tsukune found himself in the enviable position of having three girls waiting to have him try their food,

"Yahoo! Here Tsukune please try my special homemade curry! One bite and you will definitely fall in love with me!"

Tsukune eyed the purple colored food a little suspiciously. "Kurumu you didn't put love potion in this did you?"

Looking embarrassed she tried to cover up with a wide smile. "Tsukune why would you even think that?"

"Because everything you make for him has love potion in it you deceitful milk cow! Desu!" A still upset Yukari pushed her way ahead of her big boobed rival. "Here Tsukune please try my curry. It's guaranteed to fill you with energy and vitality. Desu!"

Tsukune looked at the plate the little witch was holding. "Uh, is that a frog's leg?" He asked feeling a little queasy.

"It sure is! Frogs are an excellent source of protein and vitamin D. Desu!"

"Uh, Yukari, you do know I'm Japanese not French right?"

"What does that mean? Desu?"

"Tsukune," Moka spoke up. "Would you like to try my curry?" On the tray she held was a plate filled with steaming white rice and a beautiful golden colored curry. It not only looked but smelled appetizing.

"Oh! It looks wonderful Moka I would love to try some."

"Really? I'm so glad." She said shyly.

The two of them looked into each other's eyes.

"Moka-san," Tsukune said dreamily.

"Tsukune." Moka sighed.

"Moka-san."

"Tsukune."

"Moka-san."

"Tsukune."

"Okay knock it off!" Kurumu jumped between them breaking their eye contact and bringing them back form their own little world. "Seriously! Do we have to do this every single episode?"

"Uh, excuse me Tsukune?"

They all looked over to see Mizore standing there nervously with a tray covered by a cloth napkin.

"I'm sorry for being late but I went back to my room and made some curry just for you. If, if it's not too much of a bother would you like to try it?" Tsukune smiled at her and she felt the warmth fill her chest like it always did when he looked at her.

"Sure Mizore, I would love to."

"I'm happy to hear that," she placed the tray in front of him and whipped off the cloth covering it. "Please eat up and enjoy! I made sure to use only the freshest meats and spices!"

Tsukune stared at the food Mizore had just put in front of him. It wasn't that the curry looked bad or unappetizing.

It was just that her food was frozen into a block of ice.

"Please don't hold back Tsukune," Mizore said encouraging. "Dig in and help yourself."

"Heh, right." Not wanting to upset her he did his best. Taking a fork he tried to chip away.

"Wow, that's pretty bad even for Mizore." A random girl in the cafeteria said.

Another nodded her agreement. "I mean you would expect her to at least know to thaw out a frozen dinner."

Mizore looked at them and back at Tsukune.

"Oh, I ruined it didn't I?" Mizore said miserably.

"Yeah, pretty much." Kurumu agreed earning her looks from Moka, Yukari, and Tsukune. "What? Are you going to say she actually did well?"

Mizore looked at Tsukune hoping he might somehow disagree.

He smiled uncomfortably and tried to think of a reply. "I know Mizore did her best."

The girl put her head down crushed. She knew Tsukune was much too kind to ever say anything hurtful. Those words were as close as he would ever come to agreeing that she had ruined the meal. There was a sudden deep freeze and everyone but her friends were entombed in a massive block of ice as she ran out.

XXX

The block of ice Kokoa was in had been placed over one of the stoves in the home ec room. The ice melted freeing the freshman vampire.

"Achoo!" Kokoa rubbed her nose. She was wet, chilled to the bone, and deeply humiliated. "Stupid stalker," she muttered.

"You're a new student here aren't you?"

Kokoa saw a blonde haired and much too cheerful teacher standing there with a plate of food in her hands.

"Hai." Kokoa acknowledged.

The teacher approached her extending the plate like an offering. "Cooking is art. Art is explosive. Explosive means spicy. Since you haven't been in my class yet please try this explosive, spicy, yet artistic curry."

Even though it was a teacher speaking to her Kokoa was in no mood for such foolishness. She instinctively lashed out knocking the plate out of Aspara's hand and spilling its contents all over the floor.

"Shut up! How can you ask a proud vampire to eat such disgusting swill?"

The teacher froze and darkness covered her. "Curry is… disgusting? Swill?" The woman gave Kokoa a menacing look. "I won't forgive you."

Kokoa felt a sudden chill that had nothing to do with being frozen. Being a vampire though she refused to admit anything was wrong. "Whatever, I'm out of here." She left as quickly as she could without appearing to be in a hurry.

Aspara watched her go. _No, I won't forgive you._

XXX

Kokoa was just walking down the hall when she sensed more than heard someone coming up from behind her. She turned just in time to see Aspara-sensei coming up to her.

"You have offended the goddess of curry! Now suffer my wrath!"

"Hey! What are you…"

Aspara grabbed her about the shoulders. "Receive the kiss of curry!"

Before Kokoa could do anything Aspara had her tongue in her mouth and was swirling it about.

_Holy crap!_ Kokoa thought. _I'm being molested!_

Though she tried to get away there was no escape. Her mouth was filled with an amazing range of explosive flavors that were running through her whole body. _I'm so hot! Geez am I lesbian?_

When the kiss ended she cried out. "It's spicy!" She then collapsed.

Standing over her Aspara nodded pleased. "Now that you have received the kiss of curry you will truly appreciate the wonders of curry and all things curry like!"

After a moment Kokoa's skin turned a shiny yellow and she was back on her feet. "I love curry!" She said. "Curry!"

Aspara nodded. "Good, you will help me spread the love of curry throughout this school and eventually the world!"

"Okay, but can I have some curry first? Curry."

XXX

Mizore was sitting atop the school roof all alone thinking about her failure. Despite all her efforts she had still made a mess of things.

"All I wanted was to make Tsukune a nice meal and I couldn't do it," she said miserably.

As she sat there she thought back to the time Tsukune and the others had saved her. In particular she recalled how Inner Moka had kicked the hell out of her when she had deliberately refused to thank the girl for saving her.

_If you're going to just die then at least try to do something with your life first you little twerp! _

Inner Moka was not exactly the gentlest of folk, but she was always there to fight for the people who mattered to her and she never minced words. Mizore knew that what she wanted was simply to make Tsukune happy. That was the only thing that really mattered to her. To make Tsukune smile would fill her with an inexpressible joy.

"I can't give up," she muttered and got to her feet. "I will definitely learn how to make him happy."

"There are many, many ways for a girl to make a boy happy. Which did you have in mind Mizore-chan?"

Startled Mizore looked over her shoulder to see Ruby standing there grinning. A pair of enormous raven wings folding away into her body.

"Ruby? What are you doing up here?"

"Oh I like to come up here some times and think about many, many things. Like what sort of knots to use without cutting off my circulation."

"Huh?"

"Nothing," Ruby said with a shake of her head. "I can guess which boy you are referring to. Just what sort of activity were you planning to make him happy with?"

Mizore blushed slightly at the open ended question. "I just wanted to make Tsukune a good meal that he would really enjoy. That's all. But no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get it right."

"Don't despair Mizore," the older witch told her. "Some things are harder than others, but nothing is impossible so long as you keep at it. My older master taught me that. She also showed me that learning to do something is much easier if you have someone there with you."

"Would you teach me Ruby?" Mizore asked hopefully.

"Sure," Ruby said. "Before long we'll have you cooking like a gourmet chef."

XXX

**Several Hours Later**

"It's on fire!" A panicked Ruby shouted.

Three foot high flames were leaping from the cook pot and threatening to ignite the roof of Mizore's dorm room.

"I've got it!" Mizore waved her arms about and called up a miniature snow storm.

There was a long extended hiss as the flames were ultimately doused and the kitchen filled with stream. They both exited the kitchen area coughing and with hair wet and flat from the stream.

"I don't understand it!' Ruby said in dismay. "We didn't use any grease. How do you set rice and regular curry on fire?"

"Well at least it didn't explode this time," Mizore said wearily. Her shoulders were slumped in defeat. "I'm sorry for wasting all your time, it really does seem pointless."

Ruby looked over at the girl sympathetically. She really was trying her absolute best and for whatever reason the results just weren't matching up with her efforts.

Ruby considered for a moment and came to a decision. "Listen Mizore-chan, I wasn't planning on telling you this but there is a secret to making any food absolutely delicious and irresistible to people."

"There is? Then why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

"Well it's a bit of a cheat," Ruby admitted. "It's something my master taught me and not something I'm eager to pass on, but I can see how you're struggling. I'll share the secret with you though. If you do what I say I guarantee Tsukune won't be able to resist your cooking."

"All right," Mizore said eagerly. "So what's this secret?"

Though they were alone in Mizore's dorm room Ruby leaned in to whisper in her ear.

Her eyebrows rose in shock. "Really? I never would have thought of that!"

Ruby nodded. "It's guaranteed to work."

"All right, I'll do it then." Mizore said.

XXX

"I wonder where Mizore-chan is." Tsukune said as they were gathered together to have lunch.

"She's probably sitting in her room all broken hearted," Yukari said. "Did you have to be so mean to her the other day you top heavy slut? Desu!"

"Hey! I was just being honest! Friends are supposed to be honest with each other, right you pint sized brat?"

"What did you call me you escapee from a dairy farm? Desu!"

"Please! Please can we not fight?" Moka asked. "We're friends and we should try to get along."

"Moka is right," Tsukune said. "Let's all try to get along. After club activities we can go and visit Mizore and see if she's all right."

"Whatever," Kurumu said. "Obviously this episode is all about the snow girl. I'll just have to wait until we get to one focused on me."

"Uh Kurumu," Tsukune asked. "What are you talking about?"

Before she could answer though Kokoa arrived. She was dressed as usual but her skin was yellow as a pencil and in both hands she held plates of curry.

"Onee-chan," she called out as she approached their table. "I've been causing trouble for everyone so I thought I'd let everyone have some curry today. Curry."

Moka rose to her feet and looked at her little sister. "You mean you're not going to threaten to beat me until my Inner self comes out?"

"No, of course not onee-chan. I love my older sister no matter what form she takes. Let's have curry to celebrate. Curry."

"Oh Kokoa I'm so happy! You finally understand!"

Her little sister nodded. "I just hope onee-chan can forgive me. Curry."

"Of course I forgive you Kokoa."

The two half-sisters looked into each other's eyes.

"Kokoa."

"Onee-chan. Curry."

"Kokoa."

"Onee-chan. Curry."

"Okay! Okay! Stop! Seriously this is starting to creep me out!" Kurumu exclaimed. "I mean am I the only one noticing her skin looks like a ripe banana, that she's acting weird being all _nice _all of a sudden, or that every other word she says is 'curry.' It's almost as annoying as 'desu.'"

"Hey! Desu!" Yukari shouted.

Kokoa's head spun around to look at Kurumu over her back. "That's not true. Curry."

Everyone, including Moka was a bit disturbed by that.

"Ah, Moka-san is that normal for vampires?" Tsukune asked.

"No," she answered shaking her head. "Kokoa are you feeling all right? Maybe we should go visit the nurse."

Kokoa's head snapped back around. "I am feeling just fine onee-chan. Now how about we have some yummy curry? Curry."

"Ah, well we all ate curry yesterday so we're not really in the mood for it today." Moka told her.

Kokoa's happy smile vanished. "You don't want to eat this delicious curry? Curry."

"Well not today, maybe another time. Are you sure you're feeling all right Kokoa?"

Kokoa carefully set the plates down. "If you don't want to eat curry then I guess there's no choice. Curry." Kokoa began shuffling towards her sister.

"Uh, Kokoa? What are you doing?" Moka began backing up until she backed up against the wall.

"Onee-chan I am going to give you the kiss of curry. Curry."

"Huh?"

Without warning Kokoa grabbed her older sister about her cheeks and began to suck face for all she was worth. Moka's eyes bulged and here arms waved about desperately. In her mind she had sudden flashbacks to those times 'playing mommy and daddy' with her eldest sister Akuha in her bedroom. _No way! Not again! And this time no one's even promising to buy me candy!_

From his seat Tsukune's jaw dropped. "Mo… Mo… Moka!"_ I think I'm getting turned on!_

"What are you two doing?" Kurumu gasped.

A stream of blood was flowing from Yukari's nose. "Unbelievable! Vampire, lesbian, incest loving! It's even better than I imagined! Desu!"

"Yukari!" Kurumu shouted.

"Uh, I mean this is awful. Desu." Whipping out her camera phone Yukari snapped some pics.

As Kokoa's tongue swirled all about her mouth Moka could taste all sorts of explosive flavors. When her younger sister at least released her she cried out. "It's spicy!" And collapsed to the floor.

"Moka-san!" Tsukune cried and ran to her side. "Kokoa what did you do?"

"I just wanted to share my love of curry with my beloved onee-chan. Curry." She began to approach Yukari. "I want to share my love of all things curry with all of you. Curry."

"Wait! Wait a second! This is all wrong! Desu!" Yukari cried as Kokoa grabbed a hold of her. "Nooooooooooooooo! I wanted my first experience with a woman to be with Moka! Desu!"

Kokoa jammed her tongue into the eleven year olds mouth.

"It's spicy! Desu!" The girl collapsed.

Kurumu grabbed Tsukune by the arm and hauled him away. "Tsukune I don't know what's going on here but we need to go."

"What? But Moka…"

Even as he spoke Moka began to stir and get to her feet. Her skin was now the same bright and shiny yellow as Kokoa's. "Tsukune, do you want to get some curry?"

"Moka-san?"

"We've got to run Tsukune! She's one of them now!" Kurumu cried and dragged him away.

"One of what?"

"I have no idea, but I've seen enough zombie movies to know the signs!"

Behind them in the cafeteria Kokoa began kissing other students and the slowly rising chant of, 'Curry. Curry.' Could be heard.

XXX

Kurumu and Tsukune were soon holed up in an empty classroom. Outside in the hall way their fellow students shuffled along. Their skins bright yellow, most of them holding plates of fresh curry in their hands, all of them talking about how much they loved curry.

"We're surrounded by curry zombies," Kurumu said. "Don't worry Tsukune, we just need to get to the roof and I can fly both of us out of here."

"What about Moka and Yukari and Kokoa and the others?" Tsukune asked.

"Tsukune, seriously! Have you never seen a zombie movie? Once you get turned into one of them it's all over! Game over man game over!"

"We can't abandon our friends Kurumu." Tsukune said. "There has to be something we can do for them."

Kurumu thought for a moment and a blush crept over her cheeks. "Well, I have an idea."

"What?"

"Let's have sex."

"Huh?" He just stared at her blankly.

"Ah, well you know, in those monster movies the couples having sex are always safe."

"Actually Kurumu-chan I'm pretty sure that having sex in one of those movies always results in immediate death."

"But at least we'd get to have sex!"

"Kurumu…"

Without warning the window to the room was smashed in. Kokoa stood there with a blank expression and a soulless smile on her lips.

"So this is where the two of you have been hiding. I want to share my love of curry with you. Curry."

"No! Tsukune get out of here I'll hold her off! I love you!" She shoved her Destined One out the class room door and shut it.

"Kurumu-chan!"

"Think well of me my darling!"

"Let me give you the kiss of curry. Curry." Kokoa grabbed the succubus and began frenching her.

_No! I wanted to wait until college for this! At the very least I should be drunk!_

XXX

Seeing it was too late for Kurumu Tsukune had no choice but to flee. The other students, now turned curry zombies, tried to get him to try some of their food but he somehow managed to avoid them as he ran and dodged down the hall.

"Tsukune," Kokoa called after him. "Where are you going? You must be hungry come have some curry with us. Curry."

"Yahoo! Tsukune it's all right, I'll feed you as much curry as you want."

_Damn it! They got Kurumu!_

Desperate for some refuge he ducked into the newspaper club room. There sitting behind the teacher's desk was Gin, sitting a cappuccino and reading a newspaper. He looked as normal as ever and frowned at Tsukune's sudden entrance.

"What are you doing here Tsukune? Club hasn't started yet. Is Moka with you by any chance?"

"Gin-sempai we have to get out of here something terrible has happened!"

"What? Is the swim club recruiting again?"

"No! Much, much worse. Kurumu is going around kissing everyone and turning them into mindless curry zombies."

Gin stared at him. "Are you being serious?"

Tsukune nodded.

"You mean I can actually make out with Kokoa? Hot damn! I have a serious thing for tsundere chicks in leggings."

Tsukune shook his head in disbelief. "Gin I think you're missing the point here."

"No, I think I got it. I have a chance to make out with Kokoa."

"Yes, but then you turn into a mindless curry zombie."

"Right, but before that I get to make out with her."

Tsukune wondered if some people were worth saving.

Kokoa arrived and burst through the door. "Who wants my special kiss of curry? Curry."

"Right here baby!" Gin exclaimed.

As Kokoa and Gin eagerly made out Tsukune bolted past and out the door. Seeing the stairs he hoped to head down to the ground floor. Unfortunately a mass of curry zombies were slowly climbing up the stairs. With no other alternative he headed for the roof.

XXX

Reaching the roof he slammed shut the door. He was momentarily safe but what real good did that do him? The academy was four stories high and there was no other way for him to safely get down and escape. He was trapped.

"Tsukune? Somehow I just knew you'd end up here. Let's have some delicious curry together."

"Moka-san?" He turned to see the yellow skinned Moka smiling at him. In her hands was a plate of curry.

"Tsukune."

"Moka-san."

"Tsukune."

"Moka-san."

"Tsukune. Curry." She shoved a spoonful of curry into his mouth.

"Ah! It's spicy!"

XXX

"Perfect," Mizore sighed happily tasting her creation. Thanks to Ruby-san's help she had finally come up with a delicious meal. _I just hope Tsukune likes it._

Eager to have him try it she set out with her food in a sealed metal container on her back.

As soon as she approached the school grounds she knew something was off. Too many students were just sitting around eating rather than attending class. And was it her imagination or did all of them look… yellow?

"Curry," one of them moaned and began to stagger towards her with arms outstretched.

"Curry! Curry! Give us curry!" They began to moan and shuffle towards her.

"No," she cried. "This is for Tsukune."

With a wave of her arm she flash froze the bunch of them and hurried past into the main building.

"Curry!"

"Give us curry!"

"We want delicious curry!"

_Since when is my cooking this popular?_ Mizore wondered as she froze more and more students into blocks of ice. "I'm sorry, but my curry is especially for Aono Tsukune."

All the students and even the teachers were not attending their usual classes. Instead everyone was wither roaming eh halls or seated somewhere devouring platefuls of curry. Since the regular classes weren't in session Mizore was left with no choice but to search for Tsukune.

"Tsukune where are you?" She called out going from room to room.

She opened one door to find Ruby standing there. "Ruby? Are you all right?"

The yellow skinned witch smiled at her. "Certainly I am fine. Many, many things happened. Then we ate curry together in this curry world."

"Right… I'm going to go find Tsukune." She carefully shut the door and continued her search. _Even for me things here seem sort of weird._

XXX

Plates of curry flew at her as a mob of curry obsessed curry zombies slowly and remorselessly chased after her, forcing her up the stairs.

"Tsukune!" She shouted. "Where are you?"

She burst out onto the roof. There at last she saw him. Sitting with his back turned to her. She had spied on him so many times she knew with a single glance who it was. "Tsukune! Thank goodness!"

"Here have some curry Moka. Curry."

"Tsukune, try this yummy curry. Curry."

A bright yellow Tsukune and equally colorful Moka were seated on a bench feeding each other curry.

"Tsukune," Mizore said weakly. "You too?" Looking about the roof she saw Kurumu, Yukari, and Kokoa all stuffing their faces. "All you guys? What's going on here?"

The door to the roof opened and a mass of shuffling barely conscious curry zombies flowed out onto the roof surrounding her.

"Mwahahahaha!" A diabolical laugh filled the air. "Cooking is art! Art is explosive! Explosive means spiciness!" A blonde woman appeared above her standing on the academy water tower.

"Aspara-sensei?"

There was a massive puff of smoke and Aspara landed behind her dressed much as a genie might be… except for a large plate of curry as a hat.

A bat wearing a cloth turban appeared and helpfully filled in the necessary details before flying off again. "Aspara-sensei's true identity is that of a water spirit from Indian mythology, an Aspara. Curry!"

"Mwahahahaha! Yes! For too long I have been forced to watch helpless people endure the blandness of fake curry. Now I will see that everyone gets to enjoy the flavor and spiciness of real genuine curry! In this world fake curry is rampant. It's so tragic! I can see from you pale skin that you are the only one left in this school who is yet to taste my delicious curry. Now you too will taste the wonder which is true curry goodness."

All around her the crowd of curry zombies began to press in from all sides. She looked about and saw no avenue of escape.

She felt someone grab onto her legs and toppled over. She was startled to see it was Tsukune.

"Curry!" he cried through rasping lips. "Give me curry! Curry!"

"Tsukune, even your lips are inflamed. Do you really like curry that much?"

"Curry! Give me more, more curry! Curry!" He pleaded.

She smiled up at him lovingly. "All right Tsukune, please eat my curry until you're full."

Sliding the container off her back she quickly prepared a serving of her special curry just for him.

Aspara looked on with a sense of dread. "What… what is that suspicious curry?"

"This is a curry only a yuka-onna could make. Shaved ice curry!" She held the plate out in a DRAMATIC POSE.

"Ooooooooooohhh," all the curry zombies said. All of them were frozen in place, helpless spectators.

"No, Tsukune," Aspara gasped shrinking back from it as a vampire might from a five gallon super soaker. "You mustn't eat that dreadful curry!"

Mizore held the food out to her darling Tsukune with both hands and an inviting grin. "Please eat it Tsukune, my curry."

Impatiently Tsukune grabbed the plate from her and began shoveling the food into his mouth as quickly as he could.

"No! What heresy!" Aspara wailed.

Tsukune halted. He stared down at the plate in his hands. "Delicious," he said sounding like his old self again.

"What?" Aspara said clearly disbelieving. "There is no way that curry could be delicious. Impossible!"

"This curry with a cold sauce revives the taste buds that were numbed by spiciness." Tsukune said happily. "And the best part is he shaved ice. Not only does it melt nicely on the tongue and give a pleasant aftertaste, but it also isn't thick, and gently fades off."

He took a deep breath.

"It's fabulous!" He shouted for all the world to hear.

Mizore was blushing and smiling happily. "It's ice from a single crystal. Even snow maidens can only create that if they are free of all negative thoughts. Plus it also contains a special secret ingredient. I did my very best for you Tsukune."

"Thank you Mizore-chan. This is the first time I've had such a delicious curry."

"I'm so happy Tsukune." Mizore shed tears of pure joy.

"Aaaaah!" Aspara screamed in outrage. "I refuse to accept that false curry. Aono-kun remove that bad taste with some legitimate curry."

From her hands two plates of curry flew.

"Get behind me Tsukune!" Mizore managed to knock the plates aside.

"Fall more and more in love with my genuine curry." Aspara cried and sent a dozen plates flying.

Gritting her teeth Mizore managed to freeze all of them in midair causing them to crash well short of their intended targets.

"Mwahahahaha! Try this then!" In Aspara's hands a gigantic plate appeared and was sent flying.

Despite her best effort Mizore could not freeze the entire plate. "Tsukune look out!"

"Oof!" The plate crashed into him and sent him flying backwards directly into an unsuspecting Moka.

And as often seemed to happen on an almost weekly basis he pulled off her Rosario without even intending to.

Plink.

Massive amounts of youkai energy consumed Moka transforming her into her true self.

Albeit a more colorful version than usual.

"Moka-san you are beautiful even when you are yellow." An admiring Tsukune said.

The proud beauty flicked her long still silver hair. "That is because the other Moka and I are one body and soul. Curry." She gasped and slapped a hand over her mouth. To think this could manipulate a vampire like me this much… what an incredible power."

Seeing a new opponent Aspara rushed at her with a plate of food in her hands. "I'll stain your heart with the color of curry!"

Moka stood her ground and nonchalantly knocked the plate out of her hands.

"Eek! What a frightening will! Fine then, deal with my super massive helping of curry." In both her hands another huge plate appeared.

This time though before she could launch it Moka appeared directly behind her. "Know your place! Curry!"

WHAM!

With a single kick she sent Aspara flying into the water tower.

"Uhhhhh, I know my place now."

Once again a helpful bat in a turban appeared. "This episode's battle took fifty eight seconds. Curry."

XXX

With the battle over but nearly all he students still curry zombies Tsukune approached Mizore with an idea. "Mizore, can I give everyone some of your curry? I'm sure they'd enjoy it and I think it might bring everyone back to their senses."

She nodded happily. "Sure Tsukune. The people who eat it will be happy. That's not a bad feeling." That she was able to please him and do something for him was all she needed. It had been a wonderful day.

As Tsukune walked off to help the others Inner Moka came up to her. "It seems you finally did your best at something."

Grinning Mizore clasped her bandaged and scraped hands. "Even a snow maiden has some pride you know."

Chuckling he vampire nodded her head.

Craaaaack…

Above them the ominous sound came from the water tower.

"Uh oh," Mizore said.

A second later the water tower collapsed sending a flood of spicy curry to wash Mizore and the others away and deluge the entire academy.

XXX

A little later in a still soaking cafeteria the entire student body and faculty was sitting down to share Mizore's special shaved ice curry. Though they all remained yellow their minds and normal personalities had all been restored.

"Pretty crazy day today huh? Desu?"

"Eh, still not as bad as last week." Kurumu declared.

Everyone at the table nodded.

"We all really owe you our thanks Mizore-chan," Tsukune told her. "You not only saved all of us but the entire academy too."

Mizore blushed and felt warmth course through her at Tsukune's simple and honest praise. Hearing him say that made everything worthwhile.

Kurumu huffed a bit. As usually seemed to happen she had been outshined, and this time it hadn't even been by Moka. "Well I have to admit you really did save us Mizore. And I confess your curry is marvelous. I've never tasted anything so incredible. I can't believe after all your failures cooking you actually came up with something so amazing. How did you manage it?"

Mizore shrugged. "Well Ruby-san helped me by telling me about a secret ingredient that could make anything delicious."

Moka smiled. "It's love isn't it? Ruby told you that if you made something with love in your heart it would always turn out well."

Mizore looked at her and blinked. "Love? Don't be silly Moka; love is an emotion how could it be an ingredient? Really that's pretty stupid."

Moka sweat dropped and laughed hollowly at Mizore's unexpected and brutal put down. "Ah, okay, if it wasn't love what was the secret ingredient?"

Mizore rumaged through one of the pockets of her white long sleeved jacket and pulled out a small plastic bottle that was about a third filled with a clear liquid. "LSD."

Tsukune, Moka, Kurumu, and Yukari spat out what was in their mouths.

Across the cafeteria Saizou suddenly jumped to his feet. "I can fly!" He ran to the nearest window and leapt through it.

Gin was jumping about jerking and twisting. "Get them off! Get them off!"

"Wow… the colors… the colors… Desu."

Moka stared at Tsukune. "Tsukune! When did you turn into a giant blood packet?"

She leapt over and chomped onto his neck as he shouted in pain. After a minute though he was talking about how beautiful the orange sky was while staring at the ceiling.

All through the cafeteria people were freaking out and shouting.

Mizore sat there and watched._ Huh, I wonder if I used a little too much._ She then noticed some of the chairs walk past her as they argued over an algebra problem. _Did the chairs always do that?_

Shrugging she went back to eating her curry.


	2. The Vampire

**Author's Notes: **If Mizore's efforts had failed then it would be up to one vampire to save the day…

XXX

Lord Issa Shuzen was a simple man who liked all the normal pleasures of life.

Dismembering enemies, allowing his harem to satisfy him five at a time, forcing family members to fight one another to the death, using a solid gold toilet, and mocking Bill Gates for his lack of business acumen.

Just your basic ordinary stuff really.

So as Lord Issa was relaxing on a sofa upholstered in Bengal Tiger fur he was surprised to get a call from none other than Mikogami; Hades Lord and Headmaster of Youkai Academy.

"Issa," Mikogami said over the phone. "I need to ask a small favor."

Lord Shuzen was immediately suspicious. "The last time you asked for a 'small favor' I had to deal with a coven of witches, an angry mummy, and a paternity lawsuit from Celine Deion."

"Yeah, that was a really great weekend in Vegas."

"I'm hanging up now."

"This involves two of your daughters." Mikogami said quickly. "Moka, Kokoa, and the entire student body have been caught up in an evil plot that has taken over Youkai Academy and threatens the entire world."

"Again? Doesn't something like this happen every semester at your school?"

"Not every semester," Mikogami said defensively. "It only happens about three in every four."

"Regardless, if the school has been overrun and the peace of the world is at stake shouldn't you deal with this yourself? You are the school's Headmaster as well as being a Hades Lord."

"Well normally I would, but you see I have a ski weekend planned up in Vail."

"You're going to leave the lives of your students in danger and risk worldwide peace just so you can go skiing?"

"They just got six inches of fresh powder and it's _Vail_. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get reservations this time of year?"

Issa gave a long sigh. "Very well, then why don't you ask Tohofuhai to handle this? He is your fellow Hades Lord after all."

"Well I would but he's unavailable for the next three days."

"Let me guess," Issa said sarcastically. "He is skiing in Aspen?"

"No, he's in San Diego for Comic Con."

XXX

"I am a vampire lord with wealth, power, and immortality. Just how did I get roped into this?" Issa sighed.

He was approaching the gates of the academy. At first sight nothing malevolent appeared to be going on. Students were just sitting together out on the grass eating.

_Hmmm, on second thought it's ten in the morning, shouldn't they all be in class?_ As he approached he also noticed the bright yellow sheen of their skins. _Did jaundice break out here?_

Issa came up to the nearest group of students. "Pardon me, but is there some reason why all of you are out here rather than in class?"

One of the students looked up from his bowl. "We're having curry. Would you like some?"

"No thank you," Issa said politely.

"You don't want curry?"

As one all the students in the courtyard were suddenly looking in his direction. They began to shuffle towards him with arms outstretched chanting, 'Curry… curry… curry.'

Issa immediately gauged the situation. "I see, something has reduced these students to willing slaves." He looked about at all the bright yellow faces surrounding him. "I haven't seen so many mindless zombies since that Jersey Shore reunion show."

Being who he was he sent bodies flyting in all directions as he beat them down and headed into the school itself.

"Know your place!"

XXX

Within the halls of the school there were student sitting down eating curry. They all seemed oblivious to anything else.

"Huh, it's just like the Stinky Cheese crisis back in '59." Given the cause of the crisis Issa suspected he knew who was responsible.

"Oh my! Aren't you Lord Shuzen? Moka's and Kokoa's father?"

Lord Issa spotted an attractive dark haired young woman who was dressed in a long flowing black skirt with a pink top. It took him a moment to recognize her. "You're Ruby, Mikogami's assistant aren't you?"

Ruby nodded her head. "I am, when the Headmaster left for his ski weekend I was left in charge. After that many, many things happened."

"Really? Care to elaborate?"

Ruby shook her head. "You've come here to prevent the wonders of curry from taking over the world haven't you? It would be sad if that didn't happen."

"I have a pretty good idea of what's going on, but I want confirmation." Issa cracked his knuckles. "You're going to tell me everything you know about this."

XXX

Kurumu was heading to the roof to get another bowl delicious curry when she heard cries and groans coming from one of the classrooms. Kurumu opened the door and gasped in shock.

There was Ruby bound hand and foot to a desk with her skirt yanked up and black lace panties down about her ankles. Her ass was completely red and covered with welts and marks. Standing over her with a leather riding crop in hand was a good looking stranger in a suit and cape with hair the same color as Inner Moka's.

"You! Get away from my friend!" Kurumu shouted.

Instantly leathery wings sprouted from her back and foot long razor sharp claws extended from her fingertips.

"Don't you dare attack my friend!" Kurumu cried as she flew in slashing with her claws.

"What do you mean attack?" The stranger asked as he dodged Kurumu's strikes with ridiculous ease.

"Oh yes! Yes master! Ruby has been a bad, bad girl! Punish me more! Punish me!"

"Huh?" Kurumu stopped to stare at the tied up witch.

"Vampires really do make the best torturers!" Ruby cried in ecstasy.

"Well I have had a lot of practice," Issa admitted. "Though my victims usually aren't as enthusiastic as you."

"Just what is going on here?" Kurumu demanded.

"This is Moka's dad," Ruby explained. "He's come here to stop us from spreading the wonders of curry to the whole world. I agreed to tell him everything I knew if he would tie me up and give me a good beating."

"How could you?" Kurumu gasped.

"Don't judge me! A girl has needs!"

Kurumu turned back to Lord Issa, her claws remained extended. "Even if you're Moka's father I can't let you do that."

"You wouldn't happen to be Ageha's daughter Kurumu would you?"

"What? How did you know that? Has Moka told you about me?"

"No, Ageha mentions you sometimes while I'm bending her over a chair or grabbing hold of her ankles."

As Kurumu stood there gasping like a fish Issa rushed up and delivered a knockout blow. As he laid her down on the floor he made sure to get in a quick grope.

"Not as soft as Ageha's but not bad, they need to ripen a little bit more."

Issa hurried out to head to the roof.

XXX

Climbing the stairs to the rooftop he came upon Kokoa waiting for him. Her skin was the color of a ripe banana and she had a plate full of curry in her hands.

"Daddy," Kokoa said. "I am so happy to see you. Let's reconnect over a meal of delicious curry. Curry!"

Issa shook his head. "Kokoa you have no idea how embarrassing it is to see you like this. I suppose Moka is a mindless follower now too?"

"She loves the delicious spiciness of curry," Kokoa said nodding proudly. "In fact I was the one who recruited her and brought her into the world of curry. Curry!"

Issa smirked. "Well I suppose we'll count that as a win. I'm glad you finally managed to beat Moka in _something_. Now step aside, I have business to conduct."

"I can't do that daddy." Kokoa carefully set the plate down. "If you won't have some tasty curry with me I'll just have to give you the kiss of curry! Curry!" She leapt aiming to give her father a transforming kiss.

SMACK!

Kokoa's face ran right into Lord Issa's outstretched palm.

"Kokoa, I've told you before; only on your birthday, never where anyone can see us, and never too much tongue."

He delivered a quick blow to the back of her head, knocking her out and then pushing open the roof door.

XXX

Up on the roof top was a crowd of students all of them sitting around eating curry.

Looking about he spotted his daughter Moka. Just as Kokoa had stated she was just another helpless victim of this curry madness. But what concerned Issa more than that was the fact she was personally feeding a boy and being fed by him. Issa lifted a curious eyebrow.

"Tsukune," Moka said dreamily as she fed him curry.

"Moka-san." Tsukune said as he did the same.

"Tsukune."

"Moka-san."

"Daddy."

"Moka-sa… wait, what?"

Tsukune suddenly noted an angry presence standing over him. A stern face with red slitted eyes stared down at him. Tsukune gulped and wondered if he would ever get to eat curry again.

"Daddy what are you doing here?" Moka asked as she jumped neatly to her feet.

"The usual," Lord Issa said. "I'm here to save the school and world from dire peril and all the rest. Much more importantly, who is this Moka? Is he one of your little friends? You seem rather close to him."

Tsukune quickly got to his feet and offered Issa a respectful bow. "Excuse me sir, are you Moka's father? It is an honor to meet you."

"I am indeed Moka's father and a vampire of immense wealth and power." Issa told Tsukune in a commanding tone. "Just who might you be?"

Tsukune opened his mouth to say 'Moka's friend' but before he could Moka wrapped her arms around him in an affectionate hug.

"This is Aono Tsukune the boy I love!"

"Lo… love?" Tsukune gasped out in shock.

"Love?" Issa said a bit menacingly.

Moka nodded. "That's right daddy! I love him and he has already rescued me a bunch of times, so that means you're not going do to him what you did to Kahlua's old boyfriend Anton are you?"

"That depends," Issa said staring ominously at Tsukune. "I actually liked Anton."

Tsukune gulped and tried not to faint. He really wished he had some spiced curry to help settle his nerves. "Who's Anton?"

"He used to be my older sister's boyfriend." Moka explained. "He wound up breaking up with her and daddy punished him."

"Wha… what happened to him?" Tsukune asked nervously.

Issa grinned evilly. "Do you really want to know?"

Tsukune gulped again. "Ah probably not."

There was a stir behind Lord Issa and he gave an annoyed sigh. "Duty calls; we'll talk later Aono Tsukune."

Tsukune was not looking forward to that at all.

XXX

"Mwahahahaha!" A diabolical laugh filled the air. "Cooking is art! Art is explosive! Explosive means spiciness!" A blonde woman appeared surrounded by her devoted curry zombie.

Issa looked at her and appeared to be anything but surprised. "Hello again Aspara. We haven't run into each other since the little incident in Gary, Indiana."

Aspara had been acting in the guise of the academy's instructor in the culinary arts. Her true identity was that of a water spirit from Indian mythology, an Aspara.

"Don't remind me of that! I tried to bring a little culture to that place and they actually preferred eating hot dogs and hamburgers! They were deserving of my wrath!"

Issa shrugged. "It's the American Midwest. What were you expecting?"

"I expected people to be open to the wonders of curry! Do you know how embarrassing it is to have a restaurant fail when you are the living embodiment of curry?"

Issa sighed and shook his head. "So let me guess, you intend to set out and bring your delicious curry to the world whether they want it or not?"

"Mwahahahaha! That's right! For too long I have been forced to watch helpless people endure the blandness of fake curry. Now I will see that everyone gets to enjoy the flavor and spiciness of real genuine curry! In this world fake curry is rampant. It's so tragic! I can see from you pale skin that you are the only one left in this school who is yet to taste my delicious curry. Now you too will taste the wonder of…"

BAM!

In an instant Issa covered the distance between them a punch to her jaw that sent Aspara flying not just through the air but right over the side of the roof.

"Sorry, I find long speeches to be really tedious." Issa said. "Oh, and know your place."

A brown bat suddenly appeared. "This week's curb stomp lasted twelve seconds!"

"You killed Aspara-sensei!" One of the students said in shock.

"Oh don't worry," Issa said. "Minor villains are pretty much immortal except for when they are killed by their superiors as examples to others. Now then," he turned to face the crowd of zombies. "Does anyone else want to fight?"

Everyone shook their heads.

XXX

The student body and faculty were given specially prepared bowls of chicken soup and were soon returned to normal.

Aspara was in the infirmary. She was being given a two week suspension without pay and a note would appear in her record.

Following this Issa was down in the cafeteria with Moka, Tsukune, Kokoa, Kurumu, Mizore, and Yukari.

Issa had wanted to speak to Tsukune alone but he had insisted on having witnesses, er, friends around.

"Thank you for freeing all of us and saving the world from being taken over." Mizore said.

Lord Issa waved it away as though it were nothing of importance. "Unfortunately it comes with being one of the most powerful beings in Earth. Sometimes you simply have to be inconvenienced."

"Still it's amazing what you did! You really are a heroic person! Desu!"

"Not really." Issa said. "It's more a matter of being practical."

"What do you mean?" Kurumu asked scratching her head.

"Well simply put if the entire world were reduced to curry zombies it would make it much more difficult for when I decide to rule the world."

The others all stared at him.

"Is something wrong?" Issa asked.

"Wait, are you being serious?" Tsukune asked. "You're going to try and take over the world yourself?"

"Well of course," Issa said complacently. "I run a massive multinational corporation called Fairy Tale. It's pretty much to be expected. Seriously have you any idea how many times Microsoft, Apple, and Exxon have tried it? It's what we do."

"Daddy!" Kokoa said urgently. "You don't plan to unleash the great monster Alucard in an unstoppable rampage and thus bring about the fall of human civilization and allow monsters to step out of the shadows and rule over the chaos of a ruined and apocalyptic land do you?"

"No, not this time."

"If… if you don't mind my asking how do you plan to conquer the world?" Tsukune asked cautiously.

Issa reached into a pocket and pulled something out. It was a six inch tall doll with silver hair and red eyes. A perfect miniature of Inner Moka. Issa pressed a switch on the doll's back.

The doll came to life and shook a fist at them. "Know your place! Obey Lord Issa or suffer my wrath!"

Issa pressed the switch again and the doll deactivated. "It's a combination of robotics, artificial intelligence, and just a little black magic. We're going to mass market it as the 'Vampire Princess' doll along with all sorts of other accessories. It's going to be the number one seller this Christmas."

"It's so kawai!" Kurumu said.

"I want one." Mizore said.

"Me too! Desu!"

"I'll be more than happy to have free samples sent to all of you." Issa said graciously.

"Really? That's wonderful!" Kurumu said.

"Uh guys?" Tsukune interrupted. "Those aren't just dolls remember? They're really tools designed for world domination."

"But they're just so cute!" Kurumu protested.

"I'll also include the Vampire Princess Castle set." Issa said.

"Yahoo!"

Tsukune leaned into Moka and whispered. "Moka please don't take this the wrong way but I think your father is insane."

"Oh I know Tsukune," Moka said brightly. "It runs in the family. You should meet my oldest sister some time, she's totally psycho!"

Tsukune stared at her as she smiled back at him. "You know that really doesn't make me feel better about things."

"Aono," Issa growled. "Vampires have excellent hearing and I heard everything you just said."

"Eek! I… I mean I apologize sir!" He got to his feet and bowed. "When I called you insane I didn't mean it in a bad way!"

One of Issa's eyebrows quirked up. "Oh? You meant he good sort of insane?"

"Ah…"

"Daddy," Moka said. "I love Tsukune and he would never hurt me. You are not going to do what you did to Anton are you?"

Issa spread his hands. "Come now my daughter don't be silly. Do you see a carving knife, salt, or a large melon anywhere?"

'A large melon?' Tsukune mouthed silently.

Issa came around the table to stand face to face with Tsukune. It was all Tsukune could do not to cower. Holding onto his courage he stood there and looked back eye to eye with Moka's father.

"What makes you think you deserve to be with my daughter?" Issa asked quietly.

"I… I truly love you daughter and want to spend my whole life protecting her. I would never do anything to hurt Moka, and as long as she wants to be with me I would hope you would allow it sir."

Issa continued to simply stand there eying Tsukune while revealing no obvious reaction to the words. Moka and the other girls all sat there watching the tense confrontation wondering what was about to happen.

After what seemed an eternity Lord Issa finally spoke.

"Aono Tsukune."

Tsukune once again gulped. "Yes sir?"

"You smell absolutely delicious."

"Huh?"

CHOMP!

"Ow! Ow! Hey! This is wrong!" Tsukune shouted and waved his arms about frantically.

"Holy crap!" Yukari pulled out her camera phone even as her nose gushed blood. "It's vampire BL! Desu!"

Moka was on her feet. "Daddy stop it! You're embarrassing me! It's like my tenth birthday all over again!"

"Wow," Mizore murmured. "I can see where Moka gets it from."

After having a healthy drink Lord Issa finally let go of Tsukune and wiped his chin. "I can see why you like him daughter. You have my permission to marry him."

Moka supported a weakened Tsukune. "Are you all right?"

"I feel so violated." Tsukune said.


	3. Ria's Solution

**Author's Note: **For any of you who have not read my other stories Ria is a favorite OC of mine.

XXX

She answered her cell phone with a firm yet feminine voice. "This is Ria."

"Ria, this is Mikogami. It's urgent I speak with your father immediately."

"Greetings Hades Lord. I am very sorry but my father is in a private meeting right now and gave strict orders not to be disturbed." Ria explained. "He and Bill gates are deciding who will be the next President."

XXX

"I want a soulless, heartless, mindless creature who will do our every bidding without question." Issa said.

Bill Gates shook his head. "We already did that. Have you forgotten about George W. already?"

"Oh, that's right." Issa admitted. "What do you suggest?"

"How about a cute little homunculus that no one will take seriously."

"So you want Sarah Palin?"

"Exactly!"

XXX

"Is it something I could assist you with?" Ria asked.

"I doubt it, it's a matter of saving the entire world from being taken over."

Ria lifted a single eyebrow. "_Again_? Didn't we have to save the world just last month? It's not another army of Justin Bieber clones is it?"

"Mercifully no, this time there are curry zombies that have infected and taken over Youkai Academy. Their next step will surely be to spread out into the nearby city. From there they will spread out into the entire world! They have to be stopped quickly."

"Really?" Ria purred. "Oh me oh my well we simply can't have that. It would completely ruin my lord father's plans for Christmas toy sales. Youkai Academy where my dear sister Moka is? Well I'll simply have to deal with this terrible disaster myself."

There was a short pause on the other end. "Are you sure you can handle it on your own Ria?"

"Quite sure Hades Lord, I have the resources of Fairy Tale behind me after all. Naturally I'll stop this threat no matter what it takes."

"All right then, I leave it in your hands Ria."

Ria clicked off her cell with a huge smile on her face and speed dialed a in house number.

"Fairy Tale Special Operations Section."

"This is Chief Operations Officer Ria speaking."

"Yes Ria-sama!" The voice on the other line came alive. "How may I serve you?"

"I have a special little job for you."

XXX

On top of the Academy roof top a blonde woman was surrounded by her devoted followers. They were all hungrily devouring plate after plate of curry and would help her bring the wonders of spicy food to the pallet of a bored and disinterested world.

The instructor / water spirit / would be ruler of the world (including Gary, Indiana!) danced about triumphantly.

"Mwahahahaha! Cooking is art! Art is explosive! Explosive means spiciness! For too long I have been forced to watch helpless people endure the blandness of fake curry. Now I will see that everyone gets to enjoy the flavor and spiciness of real genuine curry! In this world fake curry is rampant. It's so tragic! Soon I will bring the world to it's…"

"Hey, isn't that a plane? I've never seen one here before." One of her curry zombies pointed up into the red sky.

Aspara was cut off and looked heavenwards. Sure enough there was what looked like a jet high above them. As she watched something seemed to drop from it and the jet swiftly broke to the right and fled the area.

Aspara's eyes widened. "My only regret is that I didn't eat more curry."

A few seconds later there was a blinding flash of light followed by a mushroom cloud climbing a thousand feet into the air.

XXX

Ria was not surprised when Mikogami called her back. She answered with the same light tone as before. "Hello again Hades Lord. The problem has been dealt with. I assume you are calling with your thanks?"

"MY THANKS?" Mikogami screamed in her ear. "YOU USED A NUKE!"

"Only a small tactical one," Ria said pleasantly. "The school's barrier will keep the radiation from spreading, though of course I wouldn't recommend going back there to rebuild for a few thousand years. I _did _say 'no matter what it takes.'"

"Do you have any idea what you have done?" Mikogami demanded furiously. You've killed thousands of innocent monsters, destroyed an institution devoted to understanding and co-existence between monster and human, and you also killed you own sister Moka!"

Ria waited a moment to be sure he had nothing more to add. "I'm still waiting to hear the negative."

"…"

Chuckling she shut off her phone. "And they actually used to say one nuclear explosion could ruin your whole day."


	4. The Ditzy Blonde

**Author Notes: **My deep thanks to Mistress Winowyl who not only helped me with the ideas for this chapter but helped me with the editing of it as well. I would not have managed to get this one done without her. Thanks pretty lady.

XXX

Nekonome was unhappy.

She was supposed to be teaching, "Human Interactions and Rituals." However all the seats were empty even though class should have started ten minutes ago.

Her 'ears' twitched with concern. Was there a basilisk running through the halls turning all the students and faculty into statues again? Or maybe there was an enchanted singer who had all of them under her musical spell? Or had an ancient Aztec deity appeared and corralled everyone prior to using them for sacrifices? Or it could be one of any variety of catastrophe that seemed to hit Youkai Academy with disturbing regularity.

Nekonome hoped that was the case. She would have been really hurt if it turned out the students were absent just because they didn't like her teaching methods.

_I guess there's no choice, _Nekonome thought as she headed out the door. _I'll just have to find the students and bring them back to class. I hope I'm not forced to punish anyone. I'll do it if I have to though. _In her hands she had her class notebook and was ready to assign demerits if forced to. _I wonder if there'll be tuna casserole in the cafeteria today._

She soon found many students from her class and others just sitting out in the corridor or on the stairs eating bowls of curry.

"Eating outside the cafeteria lunch area is against the rules. All of you need to wait until lunch time and get back to class now."

No one even appeared to notice her.

She blinked at their odd appearance. _Did everyone always have bright yellow skin like that? Is it some sort of trend? Is this what all the cool kids are doing now?_

Nekonome froze and gasped at the obvious implication.

_Are all my students avoiding me because I'm not doing it too?_

"I'll do it! I want to hip and down with the homies. Nyah."

One of the students looked up from his bowl at her. "Sensei, want to have some tasty curry with me?"

Shaking her head Nekonome wagged a finger at him. "Saizou are you trying to ask me out on a date? While I am flattered you know that isn't allowed by school policy."

Saizou got up to his feet. "Don't you want curry sensei? It's spicy!"

She shook her head. "I don't like spicy food, it makes me gassy."

"Are you saying you don't want curry?"

Other students all along the corridor began standing up and slowly crowded in towards her. A mindless chant rising from their throats. "Curry… curry… curry…"

Nekonome glanced at them as they approached her with bowls and spoons extended.

"No! Didn't you hear me? If I have any I'll have tummy issues all day! Curry messes up my stomach and I'll be...be...Nyah! I can't even say it! It's so indelicate! The air around me will be unbreathable!"

"Curry… curry… curry…"

She found herself surrounded. "Stop! I am warning you! I have detention slips and I am not afraid to use them! Nyah!"

"Out of the way!" Someone shouted.

There was a sudden whirlwind with students being frozen in blocks of ice, hit on the head by iron cauldrons, and simply knocked aside. Nekonome found herself tossed over a young man's shoulder being carried off.

"Meow?"

XXX

Shortly Nekonome found herself in an empty classroom with her rescuers; Tsukune, Moka, Kurumu, Mizore, and Yukari.

"Thank goodness we were able to save you in time sensei." Tsukune said as he carefully set her down.

Blushing slightly Nekonome wagged a finger at him. "Tsukune-kun, I always suspected you had feelings but you can't simply take a woman and sweep her off her feet like that. You are going to have to at least by me dinner first. Oh, and I like sushi, the fresher the better."

"Huh?" Tsukune answered blankly.

"Sensei," an embarrassed Moka interrupted. "Tsukune and the rest of us were rescuing you."

Nekonome's ears perked up. "Rescuing me? From what?"

All the students stared at her in disbelief.

"Nekonome-sensei," Moka cried. "Haven't you noticed the strange behavior with all the students? How they're obsessed with eating curry and how they all have the appearance of ripe bananas?"

Nekonome nodded. "Is it the new thing? I have trouble keeping with the times. I mean I still sleep in 'Hello Kitty' bed sheets."

Kurumu did a face palm as the others felt sympathy with her terminal cluelessness.

"Uh, sensei?" Tsukune spoke. "The school is being overrun with mindless zombies."

"Again?"

They all nodded.

A shudder ran through Nekonome's body. "This doesn't involve Justin Beiber again does it?"

"Mercifully no, I don't think I could survive a horror like that a second time. Desu."

"Though it was kind of fun seeing Moka beat him up and turn him back into a homunculus." Mizore stated.

"Well since we don't know the source of the problem that won't work." Tsukune said. "What do we do?"

"I think if we can get to the school chemistry lab I should be able to whip up a general antidote. Desu."

"That sounds like a plan Yukari-chan." Moka said.

"Sounds good to me." Tsukune agreed.

"I'm afraid there's a problem Tsukune-kun." Nekonome said.

"What's that sensei?"

"You and the others are supposed to be in class right now. Even though the school is in the process of being overrun by mindless zombies that still doesn't excuse all of you from skipping out."

The students sweat dropped.

Kurumu turned to Mizore. "This is why I said we should let the zombies have her."

XXX

Forming a single line they snuck through the halls as quickly and unobtrusively as they could. There were zombified students everywhere, but fortunately they were so focused on eating curry they spared the group no attention.

"Remember everyone; I am making a special exception since I am here to supervise all of you. However please don't make it a habit of skipping class whenever the school is in danger of being taken over." Nekonome told them. "If you do you'll barely spend any time in class at all."

"Ah, we won't sensei." Tsukune promised.

"If I had a ball of yarn with me right now we could ditch her you know." Kurumu whispered to Mizore who just rolled her eyes.

Sneaking through the corridors they came upon Ageha and Tsurara sitting on the floor arguing with each other.

"No, this is MY plate! It's spicier!" Ageha shouted. "You couldn't handle it, you frost bitten nipple! Only a real woman can handle all that power in her mouth."

"Being able to put ANYTHING in your mouth isn't something to be proud of you tramp." Tsurara returned.

Kurumu and Mizore stood there blinking.

"Was your mom supposed to visit you today?" Kurumu asked.

"No, yours?"

Kurumu shook her head. "Writer must be really desperate and just threw them in for quick comic relief."

"Huh?"

"Hey!" Yukari interrupted. "Where's Moka? She was just here! Desu!"

As they looked around they heard her voice coming from a closed room down the hall.

"Nooooooo! Please stop it! Don't force me like this!"

There was an answer in the unmistakable voice of Gin. "Don't fight it Moka! We both know you want this! Just relax and let it happen, I swear you'll love it."

"No Gin, please I don't want it!"

"Well I'm giving it to you any way! I'm going to stuff it down your throat and make you swallow every last drop! Once you've had some you won't be able to get enough."

"Please not in my mouth!"

"Oh just take it Moka! We both know this is going to happen. Stop fighting it!"

"Gin! Leave Moka alone! I'm the one who's supposed to, er, _I_ mean leave her alone!" Tsukune shouted and ran to the door from which all this was coming. In his panic he kicked it in.

He did it just in time to see Gin shove a spoonful of curry down Moka's throat.

"It's spicy!" Moka howled and then collapsed.

Gin smiled at Tsukune. "I always knew I'd be the one to give Moka what she wanted."

A moment later a now shiny yellow Moka was on her feet clawing desperately and Gin. "More! Please give me more Gin! Please stuff it down my throat until I can't take it!"

He grinned triumphantly. "Slut."

Kurumu blinked at Moka as she licked the spoon Gin offered her clean. "Wow, who knew she had it in her? Now press it against your chin and roll your tongue like so..."

"Amateur." Mizore muttered.

Kurumu glanced at Mizore. "What can you do?"

Mizore grinned wickedly she balanced her lollipop on the tip of her tongue before expertly sliding it back and forth the length of it.

Kurumu gave a low whistle. "Neat trick. Maybe I should start sucking on lollipops, too. What do you think, Tsukune?"

"Moka no!" Tsukune tried to reach her but Kurumu and Mizore both grabbed him.

"She's gone man! She's gone!" Kurumu yelled.

"You can't help her now Tsukune." Mizore said.

The two of them pulled him away and shut the door.

XXX

"I… I can't believe we lost Moka like that." Tsukune spoke sounding lost.

"It's all right Tsukune-kun." Nekonome gently patted his shoulder. "I'm sure Gin will treat her gently now that she belongs to him."

"Sensei I don't think that's what he needs to hear right now. Desu."

"What? Do you think he would rather hear the truth? That Gin will just use her and then throw her away in a couple weeks? Nyah?"

Tsukune groaned and shuffled along with his shoulders slumped and head down.

"Bet my idea to throw her down the stairs looks pretty good now huh?" Kurumu whispered to Mizore.

Thinking about it for a moment Mizore gave a non-committal shrug of the shoulders.

"Look on the bright side. We're almost to the chem lab." Yukari mentioned. "I'm sure nothing else could go wrong now. Desu."

Kurumu stared at the little girl in horror before bonking her on the head.

"Owie! What was that for you stupid milk cow?"

"You dummy! How could you say that? You never ever say 'nothing could go wrong.' Except for 'I'll be right back' that is the biggest jinx on earth! Now something horrible is guaranteed to happen!"

And sure enough…

Kokoa suddenly popped up in front of them.

"Hey Tsukune. Even though there is zero sexual tension between us and no obvious reason for this I've decided to give you the Kiss of Curry. Curry."

"Huh?" Tsukune responded dully.

"Please suck face with me just like daddy does on my birthday. Curry." Grabbing him about the collar the pint sized vampire forced his face down and gave him an open mouth kiss that reached his back teeth.

"It's spicy!" He cried and collapsed.

"No!" Kurumu shrieked. "They got Tsukune!"

"You can't save him now!" Mizore grabbed Kurumu by the arm. "We have to go!"

XXX

They locked themselves into the school chemistry lab and Yukari got bust mixing up the antidote as Kurumu curled up in the corner and rocked back and forth.

"Kurumu you need to get a hold of yourself." Mizore told her. "We may still be able to save everyone if the antidote works."

"We're doomed. We're doomed." Kurumu kept repeating as she continued to rock herself back and forth.

"I'm sure everything will be fine." Mizore reassured.

"No it won't!" Kurumu shouted. "We're finished! Don't you understand? Tsukune and Moka are the main characters! Why do you think they're always hogging the spotlight? Why do you think Moka always gets in a fight every episode and always gets to use her catch phrase? Every week she says 'know your place' as she saves the day! You think that's a coincidence? Tsukune has a pseudo - harem even though he's a virgin and makes absolutely no effort to seduce any of us! That never happens in real life! If this were anything but a manga or anime he'd be masturbating to porn every night while Gin took turns banging us. I mean lord knows Tsukune is sweet, but have you ever met a guy who had 'place in friend box' practically stamped on his forehead?"

Mizore sent a wide eyed look in Yukari's direction. "You know I never thought about it that way but she does have a point. Just how did Tsukune end up with so many girls chasing him without even trying?"

"I have no idea," Yukari admitted. "I'm still amazed she actually used the word 'pseudo' correctly. Desu."

"The point is if the main characters are gone what chance do we have? It's game over man! Game over!" Kurumu told them.

"Now, now there's no need to be so upset." Nekonome said comfortingly and patted Kurumu on the shoulder. "After all I am still here."

This caused Kurumu to start rocking back and forth again with renewed effort. "We're doomed. We're doomed…"

"We're depending on Nekonome to help us save everyone." Mizore glanced back at Yukari. "You know I'm starting to think she might be right."

"Well what are you going to do? Desu?" Yukari kept working on the potion.

XXX

Once Yukari finished making the potion she poured it into four super-soakers that just happened to be stored in the chem lab.

"Why would a High School Chem lab have four super-soakers in it?" Mizore asked.

"Haven't you learned by now not to question the logic of things?" Yukari stated.

Nekonome's ears twitched violently. "I'm pretty sure using these on school property is against the rules."

"Screw the rules!" Kurumu pumped the action of her massive water gun. "We're all bound for Hell! I just want to take as many of these bastards down with me as I can!" She had tied a bandana around her forehead and smeared black grease all over her cheeks.

"Kurumu has totally lost it." Mizore murmured to Yukari.

"Well duh." Yukari whispered back. "We'll head to the roof. For some odd reason all the surprise villains always hide out up there. Remember that we only have a limited supply of antidote so make every shot count. Desu."

Kurumu kicked open the door absolutely consumed with rage and murderous fury. "WHO WANTS SOME? YAAAAAAHHH!"

She began blasting everyone in sight as she made a straight run to the stairwell. Mizore and Yukari followed after her also taking out curry zombies as they went.

Nekonome followed timidly holding her giant neon green and yellow water gun uncertainly in both hands. "I just hope the Headmaster doesn't find out about this. Nyah."

XXX

Up on the roof top was a small horde of curry zombies. Kurumu, Mizore, and Yukari took out a wide swath of them until…

"I'm out!" Kurumu shouted. She was desperately pumping her water gun but nothing more than a few drops came out of the nozzle.

Mizore and Yukari got off more shots but eventually they too ran out of antidote and were completely surrounded.

"Mwahahahaha!" A diabolical laugh filled the air. "Cooking is art! Art is explosive! Explosive means spiciness!" A blonde woman appeared above her standing on the academy water tower.

"Aspara-sensei?" Yukari gasped. "You were behind all this? Desu?"

There was a massive puff of smoke and Aspara landed behind the girls near the roof doorway dressed much as a genie might be… except for a large plate of curry as a hat.

A bat wearing a cloth turban appeared and helpfully filled in the necessary details before flying off again. "Aspara-sensei's true identity is that of a water spirit from Indian mythology, an Aspara. Curry!"

"Mwahahahaha! I couldn't appear until you heroes were trapped. For too long I have been forced to watch helpless people endure the blandness of fake curry. Now I will see that everyone gets to enjoy the flavor and spiciness of real genuine curry! In this world fake curry is rampant. It's so tragic! I can see you are the only ones left in this school who have yet to taste my delicious curry. Now you too will taste the wonder which is true curry goodness."

"Wait! You mean you turned everyone into curry zombies just to make people try curry?" Kurumu exclaimed.

"That's right!" Aspara gloated. "This school is but the first step! Soon I will send out my devoted legions to spread the wonder that is curry to the rest of the world and Gary, Indiana! Curry will be the one food! All will eat it's spicy goodness and never want anything else!"

Mizore noted some motion in the doorway directly behind Aspara.

"So curry will be the only thing anyone will ever eat?" Mizore asked.

"That's right!"

"What about fish?"

Aspara's mouth twisted in vile distaste. "Fish curry? Disgusting! Once I'm done no one will ever want to taste fish again."

"No fish?" Cried a voice in outrage. "NYAH!"

Too late Aspara realized she had not trapped all the remaining heroes. She turned around to find herself face to face with a scowling Nekonome-sensei.

"Normally I would try and see if we could talk about this issue, but some things you can't forgive." Nekonome shoved the nozzle of her super soaker right into Aspara's mouth. "Die bitch! Nyah!"

Squeezing the trigger and working the pump at blinding speed she poured the antidote down Aspara's throat making her expand like a water balloon.

"She's going to blow!" Kurumu shouted.

She, Mizore, Yukari, and the zombies all ran.

There was a gigantic 'POP' and bits and pieces began to rain down.

XXX

**Next Day**

"Thank goodness everyone returned to normal." Tsukune said.

Moka nodded. "And it's good that you were nearby to remove my rosario before Gin could do more than feed me curry. That reminds me; let's go visit him in the hospital after class."

"Well I actually feel guilty about what I said about sensei. When the chips were down she really did save us." Kurumu said.

Tsukune frowned "Why isn't she here though?" They were all in homeroom but Nekonome was nowhere to be seen. "Are you sure she was all right?"

Kurumu, Mizore, and Yukari all nodded.

"Maybe she's just taking the day off. She certainly earned it." Kurumu said.

"Anyway," Yukari added. "I'm sure nothing could go wrong now. Desu."

The others looked at her in horror as Kurumu bonked her on the head. "You dummy! Why'd you say that? Now something terrible has to happen!"

Yukari rubbed the top of her head. "Come on, you're being silly. Desu."

XXX

**Elsewhere on the School Grounds…**

"Tuna… tuna… tuna…"

Nekonome sighed happily as her fish zombies began to show everyone the wonder of fresh seafood as she munched on some raw salmon.

"Life is good. Nyah."


	5. The Ultimate Threat

**Author's Note: **This chapter concludes the story. I think I've squeezed out all the humor I can from one RV anime episode.

XXX

Aspara was sneaking back onto the academy grounds late at night.

"So they think they can humiliate me do they? I will show them the true power of spiciness!"

Following her attempt to brainwash the entire student body and faculty as a first step towards world domination she had been severely punished for her crimes.

Two weeks administrative leave.

Now though she would have her revenge! She would enslave the academy and those who'd thwarted her and eventually the entire world! Including Gary, Indiana!

"I'm sure if I just do exactly the same thing over again it will all work this time."

"Sorry Aspara, but I can't allow that." A voice spoke from the shadows.

"Who said that?" Aspara demanded.

Someone stepped out into the moonlight to reveal themselves.

"You! Why are you here?" Aspara asked.

The figure smiled at her. "I've come to take your place Aspara, and to rule the world with the power of curry."

With that the person approached her.

"Nooooooooooooo!"

XXX

The following morning Tsukune was smothering a yawn as he was heading to school. "Never get into a staring contest with a Beholder, they just don't blink."

"Good morning Tsukune!" A girl shouted and began running at him.

"Oh no, not gain." He braced himself and gritted his teeth knowing what was coming.

Moka glomped onto him. "I skipped breakfast!"

CHOMP!

"Ow! Ow! Moka that really hurts!"

"Sorry," she let go of him and licked her lips. "It's just that your bloody is so delicious. I mean it's so good I sometimes feel my blood lust start to overcome me and I long to drink away every last drop as you cry piteously and I watch the life fade from your eyes."

Tsukune stared at her fearfully. "What was that?"

She smiled at him girlishly. "Well I _am _a vampire you know."

"Right," he said nervously.

"Good morning darling! Yahoo!"

Tsukune was suddenly plunged face first into a pair of amazingly soft pillows.

"Kurumu would you stop doing that! You're assaulting poor Tsukune!" Moka yelled.

"You mean like what you were doing when you were drinking his blood as he cried out in pain?"

Kurumu released her hold and Tsukune panted as he got his breath back. He reached out to steady himself.

"Ah Tsukune?" Moka was blushing.

"Yes Moka?"

"You can let go of her breasts now."

Tsukune noted where his hands were and immediately yanked them away.

Far from being offended Kurumu had an enthusiastic smile. "See I always told you he liked them."

"No he doesn't," Moka said firmly. "Right Tsukune?"

"Actually I just love large breasts."

"Tsukune!"

He shrugged. "Well I _am_ a guy you know."

"Yahoo, just let me know when you'd like to come my room Tsukune and you can enjoy them as much as you want."

"Kurumu!" An outraged Moka yelled.

"Well I _am _a succubus you know."

"Let's start off before we end up being late for class." Tsukune said. As soon as Moka was looking the other way he turned to Kurumu and mouthed the words, 'tonight at ten.'

Grinning Kurumu gave a quick nod.

XXX

As the three of them were walking along the dirt road that lead from the dorms to the academy's main building they were quick to pick up on something.

"Hey, where are all the other students?" Tsukune asked. "Normally every morning there are people crowding the way."

"You're right Tsukune," Moka noted peering both ahead and behind them. "There doesn't seem to be anyone here but us."

Mizore popped her head out from behind a tree. "Yo, I'm here."

"**Yaaaah!**" The three shouted in unison.

"Damn it were you spying on us this whole while?" Kurumu demanded.

"Well I _am _a stalker."

Mizore walked out into the road to join them. "It is true though that I haven't spotted anyone else. For that matter where is Yukari? Normally she'd be here too."

"That's right, where is the little flat chested twerp?" Kurumu asked.

"I hope she is all right." Moka said. "I mean it would be just awful if her disappearance meant she was somehow involved in the nefarious schemes of some hidden evil."

"Moka, you're being paranoid." Tsukune said comfortingly. "What are the odds of that happening?"

"Didn't it happen last month?"

"Oh yeah… who would have ever though Lindsey Lohan was a witch trying to steal all the world's magical power." Tsukune recalled.

"You've obviously never seen her acting." Kurumu said with a shudder. "Black magic is the only possible way she could have a career in Hollywood. Well outside of porn of course."

They all nodded.

"Maybe something like that is happening and Yukari has been caught up in it." Moka said worried.

"Nah," Kurumu said dismissively. "Since we were involved in all that craziness last night we should be safe until next episode."

"Huh?" Tsukune asked quizzically.

"Until sometime next week," Kurumu explained. "Where we will either be fighting for our lives or be involved in some sort of humorous situation. You know, like last night."

"Speaking of last night who knew there was a secret underground casino run by a Korean mob family who were also ogres and who just happened to need four girls to perform for a high level VIP who just happened to be the Chairman who wound up saving us at the very last moment from a lifetime of enslavement." Moka got out in one long breath and then gasped.

"Except for Tsukune who was going to be that lamia's personal slave boy." Mizore reminded.

Tsukune's face went a deep red. "Please don't mention that again."

"By the way what did she do with you in that VIP room for an hour?"

"Well… there's this thing I do with my tongue," he mumbled.

"What was that?" Moka asked.

"Nothing," he looked away unable to meet her eyes.

Eventually the four of them came to the school's main gate. Instead of students heading inside to get to their homerooms they were instead sitting or lounging on the ground eating bowls of curry. All of them had skin the color of bananas.

"I don't believe it." Tsukune said.

"This looks oddly familiar." Moka noted.

"Moka don't you remember a while ago when Aspara-sensei tried to take over the world by turning everyone into curry zombies?"

Pursing her lips she tapped her chin. "Vaguely, mostly what I remember is you turning into a gigantic blood packet and Mizore asking the chairs for help with math."

"This is absolutely horrible!" Kurumu announced. "Just horrible!"

"It'll be okay Kurumu," Tsukune said comfortingly. "I'm sure we'll figure out how to fix all this and save the day like we always do."

"That's not what I'm worried about Tsukune! The problem is we've already done this storyline. I mean what is this a repeat? Has the author completely run out of original ideas? Is he that lazy? I mean only an idiot…"

KRAKOW!

Out of a clear red sky a bolt of lightning struck Kurumu.

Her friends stepped back and stared wild eyed up into the sky.

A slightly blackened and smoking Kurumu lifted her head. "Er, I mean gr… great idea. Love it. Curry zombies rock. Yahoo."

"Anyway," Mizore spoke up. "What do we do? I'm all out of LSD. I sold the rest of what I had to some school children."

"You sold LSD to school children?" Tsukune said shocked.

"Well I sort of had to, how else was I going to finance my crystal meth lab?"

Her friends all stared at her with open mouths.

"What? Haven't any of you ever watched Breaking Bad?"

"Anyway," Tsukune said once he got over his shock. "We need to figure out a plan of how to deal with this. We don't have Mizore's 'special' curry and we don't have Yukari here to whip up an antidote."

"I could call my sister Ria and ask her for help." Moka offered.

"**NO!**" The others shouted in unison.

"That never ends well. I still have the hot candle wax scars from the last time you asked her for help." Tsukune said.

"It was just a suggestion." Moka grumped.

"Oh why are we even debating this?" Kurumu asked. "We'll just do what we always do. We'll rush headlong to confront the episode's Big Bad. Tsukune will pull off Moka's rosario. There'll be a little violence, a little fan service, Moka will yell 'know your place' and just like that everything is fixed and returned to the status quo."

"Are we really that predictable?" Moka wondered.

Kurumu shrugged. "Well all this is based off an episode of the anime which, let's face it, is pretty much just an excuse to show off panty shots. It's not like the bar is set very high or anything."

"You four! Why aren't you eating any curry?" An angry voice demanded.

They turned to find themselves facing a shiny yellow Kuyou along with his enforcers all wearing SS uni… er, black police committee school uniforms.

"I won't have any nonconformists running around this school!" Kuyou threatened. "I want to see all four of you eating some curry right now." The enforcers began cracking knuckles and looked eager to start some trouble.

Before anything could occur though Mizore pointed to a spot far behind them. "Isn't that a group of students about to start a free speech rally?"

"What?" Kuyou screamed in rage. "Free speech at a High School? Not on my watch!" He and his people hurried off to maintain the school's precious sense of order by smashing a few heads.

"Now come on and hurry before he realizes they're actually young Republicans!"

They ran through the courtyard and into the main school building.

Inside were students and teachers sitting around eating curry and more or less ignoring them.

"Uhm, was that always there?" Kurumu pointed to a bamboo cage that was suspended from the ceiling by steel chain.

A single figure stirred and pressed a face between the bamboo bars. "Is that Tsukune?" A half mad voice called out. "Why hello Tsukune."

"Aspara-sensei?" Tsukune said in surprise. "What are you doing up there?"

"Oh this?" Aspara giggled. "It's punishment you see. She put me in here where I could watch everyone eating curry while I'm forced to subsist on sushi and some white wine. She does enjoy her petty torments."

"She? She who?" Tsukune asked. "Aren't you the one causing all this?"

Behind the bars Aspara shook her head and cackled dementedly. "Oh I would if I could but I cannot so I shall not. She put me here in my place, so not me but she you will have to face."

"Uh, that doesn't really tell us who 'she' is." Tsukune said.

"You know Tsukune a DMV agent once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some curry and a nice chianti." She began to make some slurping sounds.

Tsukune was just staring up at her dumbfounded.

"Well this is really a relief." Kurumu noted.

"How do you figure that?" Tsukune asked.

"Well usually I'm the one who goes nuts in these things. It's nice to see someone else lose it for a change."

"It puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose." Aspara said.

"Aspara-sensei, who was it that put you in there?" Tsukune tried again.

"PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!"

"…"

"Maybe we should just get going." Moka suggested.

Everyone nodded in agreement and they all headed for the stairs.

XXX

"By the way," Mizore said as they headed for the roof. "I call dibs on saying 'know your place.'"

"What?" Moka shouted. "You can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because that's my catchphrase! You can't just take someone else's catchphrase. I've had it trademarked and everything."

"Well technically it's not really yours," Mizore pointed out. "Inner Moka is the one who always says it. I bet you can't even pull it off."

"I so can!"

"Fine, let's hear it then."

"No problem." Moka cleared her throat and spoke. "Know your pace! Wait, no, I mean know your proper place! Wait, it's knowing your place is half the battle!"

The others shared some embarrassed looks.

"I call double dibs." Kurumu said.

"Hey! Trademark!"

XXX

They were nearing the top of the stairs and the door to the roof.

"So does anyone find it strange that we still haven't seen Yukari?" Mizore asked.

"You know, now that you mention it, it is kind of weird." Moka agreed.

"Yeah, normally the little know it all would be here saying, 'desu, desu, desu' and talking about getting a threesome." Kurumu agreed. "Now that we're about to face some unknown 'her' who has taken Aspara's place she's mysteriously absent."

"It's quite a coincidence." Mizore noted.

"Yes it is," Moka agreed. "But I am sure they have nothing to do with one another."

Everyone nodded their agreement.

The four of them burst through the roof door to find a solitary figure awaiting them.

"Hello Moka, it's been a long time." A beautiful woman said.

"Mommy?" Moka gasped.

"**Mommy?**" Everyone echoed in shock.

The woman standing before them had long pink hair and emerald eyes and looked like a more mature version of Outer Moka.

"Are you really Moka's mother?" Tsukune asked. "You look more like an older sister."

"Oh, that's so sweet of you to say. I'm actually more than five thousand years old but I appreciate it. I've always made a point of taking good care of my skin."

Mizore looked blankly at Kurumu. "So what do you think happened to Yukari?"

Kurumu shrugged. "Dunno."

XXX

A panting and sweat covered Yukari rolled off to the right side of her bed.

"Wow… that was just amazing, desu! I finally got my threesome though it wasn't in any way I imagined."

"We did many, many things," Ruby said nodding in the afterglow. "Though the two of you are going to be late for class and I had to use a personal day."

"It was so totally worth it," Yukari said. "Don't you agree Kokoa?"

"Well it was a lot of fun, but could you untie me now? And I am going to get the candy you promised right?"

"Sure, but we're not done yet." Yukari said with a perverted grin. "I want to play 'Walrus with the oysters.'"

"Again?" Kokoa answered wearily.

"Well I _am _a perverted witch. Now remember to keep the pink wig on and keep saying 'Tsukune, don't!' Desu!"

XXX

"Mommy! Mommy!" Moka ran right into the arms of her mother. "I remember everything now."

"There, there sweet heart its okay." Moka's mother said comfortingly.

"Excuse me," Tsukune said politely as Moka was sobbing into her mother's shoulder. "I feel that introductions are in order."

"Along with an explanation of what the hell is going on around here." Kurumu added.

"Of course, of course, I am Akasha Bloodriver a Hades Lord and as you can see Moka's mother. From some of my curry zombies I know you are Tsukune, Kurumu and Mizore. My daughter's boyfriend and two close friends. I am very pleased to meet you all."

"Ah, I wouldn't say I'm your daughter's boyfriend exactly." Tsukune said looking flushed.

"Oh I know you're too shy to seal the deal, Gin told me. His exact words were 'pale scared virgin' but it's pretty clear that you and my daughter are a couple. Just so you know I approve of you and give you permission to marry her."

"Uh…"

"Hold up!" Kurumu shouted. "Before we even go there we need to settle why you're trying to turn everyone into curry zombies again in Aspara's place."

Moka looked up into her mother's face. "That's right, mommy what happened? All my memories suddenly came back and I remember you being eaten by Alucard. Seeing that left the real me traumatized and forced my creation to help my inner self heal. How are you alive and why have you left me all alone all this time?"

"And why are you taking Aspara-sensei's place?" Mizore added.

"Well you see dear Issa and I were having problems with our relationship. I mean he did have three other children with other women. So I needed a little time to sort out my feelings and work on things with my new boyfriend."

"New boyfriend?" Moka asked uncertainly.

"Oh honey you'll just love him if you give him a chance. He's a little intimidating at first but once you get to know him he's just a great big cuddle bunny."

THOOM, THOOM, THOOM

The building and the earth began to shake.

"Oh here he comes now."

A fifty foot monstrosity approached, towering over the school building and emanating an unbelievable aura of raw evil and immense power.

"Aaaaaaaakkaaaaassshhaaa."

"Hi honey, did you miss me?"

"Yeeeeeeesssssssssssssss."

"Your boyfriend is the great monster Alucard?" Moka said in horror. "But he ate you!"

"I know. He's a bit on the possessive side, but very caring. Anyway don't you eat Tsukune all the time?"

"Well yes, but I always tell him I'm sorry."

Tentacles stretched out from Alucard's body and wrapped around Akasha.

"Mother he's going to eat you!"

"No honey," Akasha gently stroked the thick slimy tentacles. "This is just foreplay."

"Foreplay?" Moka responded weakly.

"You'll understand when you start to have a physical relationship with your boyfriend."

"So you let me think you were dead and abandoned me all this time so you could do… things with your gigantic boyfriend?"

"Well you see there's this thing he does with his tentacles…"

Everyone, including Kurumu, shuddered.

"I suppose that explains your absence up until now," Tsukune admitted. "But why are you trying to turn everyone into curry zombies."

"Oh that," Akasha shrugged. "It just seemed the easiest way to take over the world."

"Wait, you want to take over the world too?"

"Well I _am _a Hades Lord, and even if I am a mother and a lover that doesn't mean I can't have a career. Now why don't you children all have some curry and I'll make each of you rulers. Tsukune you and Moka can rule over Japan, Kurumu you can have France, and obviously Mizore will have Iceland."

"I'm sorry Akasha-san," Tsukune spoke. "Even if you are Moka's mother we can't stand by and let you conquer the world."

"Really? That's too bad. My boyfriend tends to get kind of rough with people who get in my way."

Two huge clawed appendages came together and cracked knuckles with a sound similar to trees snapping.

Tsukune stood there bravely. "No matter how dangerous things are we have to fight, right everybody?"

The three girls all looked at each other with resignation.

"I think it's pretty obvious what we have to do." Mizore said.

"Yeah," Kurumu agreed.

"Hold Tsukune down while we force feed him curry." Moka said.

Mizore and Kurumu both nodded.

"Right, together we'll… wait what was that?"

All three girls jumped him, held him down, and forced curry down his throat.

XXX

With the power of Alucard at her side all the people in the world became mindless curry zombies.

In this new world Snookie became a cable television sensation with her relationship and dating advice show.

Paris Hilton became the star of her own drama series entitled 'That's Hot' which focused on the many difficulties faced by immensely rich, attractive, white women.

Justin Beiber swept the Grammy Awards while releasing multi-platinum albums.

People STILL thought Kim Kardashian was somehow talented.

The world's number one new sport was full contact soccer… with chainsaws.

Iceland was renamed Tsukunelovesmizoreland.

In France Algebra was outlawed.

In Japan all industrial and financial resources were focused on creating plasma that tasted just as good as the real thing.

And of course everyone was a mindless zombie… so the world wasn't really that much different.

**THE END**


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